Life Lesson # 15: Tiny Bubbles

So I discovered during my shower last night that even if you have a full-fledged lather built up in the crack of your ass, your fart will not smell like Irish Spring.

Boy am I ever sorry that gamble didn't pay off.

Stalling for time.

Why do people bring reading material into the washroom?

Let me tell you something...You're going in there to do a single, specific task. You should be focused on completing that task, not working on a crossword or catching up on market statistics. How can you read if you're squinting and straining anyway??

For those people that say they'll be in there a while, I'd like to know this: why are you in the washroom if the party hasn't started yet? When the gopher is poking his head out of the hole, THAT'S when you make for the stall. Going any earlier is simply a waste of time. It's like a pregnant woman heading to the birthing unit when she reaches the 8-month mark just in case she goes into labour. Pointless. Of course she's going to need some reading material.

And you better not be lingering once the deed is done because that's just gross. Go in. Git'r done. Do the paperwork. Get out.